


together.

by Lo Turner-Kane (doujinbag)



Category: The Virgin Suicides (1999), The Virgin Suicides - Jeffrey Eugenides
Genre: F/F, First Kiss, Kissing, Sibling Incest, Underage Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-07
Updated: 2015-02-07
Packaged: 2018-03-10 23:04:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3306647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doujinbag/pseuds/Lo%20Turner-Kane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Together with you.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	together.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a result of listening to "Together" by the XX, hence the title.

Lux tells me I'm beautiful. I don't believe her, but she's persistent. "Don't tell the others," she says, "but you really are the most beautiful of them all, Ce."

I wish it was so simple to believe her.

Lux is my sister, the closest in age to me out of all five of us. While she's always been more mature than even Therese, she always spends most of her time with me. It makes me feel special, but still somewhat guilty. She deserves the world, and I know I'm nothing but a tiny speck of stardust. Stardust is beautiful, Lux says, yet I know I am a speck nonetheless.

Lux keeps special watch over me after my first attempt at death. While Bonnie, Mary, and Therese are gentle with me as if I'm some fragile glass sculpture they don't want to risk breaking, Lux merely treats me like more of an adult. She sneaks me out onto the roof with her cardigan draped loosely over my shoulders to keep me warm in the cool Michigan air of early summertime. The other girls are asleep, but we are dreaming with our eyes open. Her cigarette looks long and elegant between her fingers and she catches me eyeing it cautiously.

"Want to try?" she offers, holding it up to her lips. My eyes stay glued to her mouth as she inhales the smoke with such ease, and my mind wanders to the thought of what Mother would do to her if she ever found out. I don't want to think about that, though; I don't like the thought of my Lux getting hurt.

My Lux. My _sister_ Lux, yes, but mine anyway. Lux is my best friend, a blonde matchstick-bodied girl with unexplainable fantasy surrounding her head and circling in with the smoke she blows out from her lips. Lux is my _love,_ my protector, my only real mentor in this world.

"I would like to," I finally reply, my words carried over to her ears on a short gust of wind. Lux smiles and hands the cigarette to me, which I take with trembling fingers before holding the filter end to my mouth.

"Suck like it's a straw," she says. "Then breathe it in." I do as I'm directed and surprisingly enough, I don't want to cough. The smoke feels good in my young pair of lungs, as if the dry heat it brings wants to belong inside of my body. "Blow out now," Lux speaks up. I hold onto the smoke for only a moment longer before I'm exhaling it in a long stream, watching it float above us until it disappears into nothing. The sky is dark and vast and peppered with stars, and I want to float on a cloud with Lux far away from this mess we call a home.

As if by reading my mind, Lux asks quietly, "Have you ever wanted to run away before, Cecilia?" I nod, staring down at the sharp fence that points up at me as I stare down at it from my safe place on the roof. "Me too," Lux sighs. "But can I ask you to do something for me?"

"Of course."

"Please don't." Her hand snakes over to mine and she squeezes it gently, making me look up at her. "I don't know what I'd do if I lost you."

"We could run away together," I offer quietly, a small shrug forcing my shoulders up and down. "Live for real, act like grown-ups, fall in love..." My voice trails off on that note and I wish I could take it back.

"Cecilia," Lux says, _"have_ you fallen in love?" My head bobs up and down almost mechanically. "With who?"

"With you."

Lux smiles at that and takes the cigarette out of my fingers, stubbing it out on the roof tile and throwing it down into the grass below. "I've fallen in love too," she says. "I've been in love for a while now, did you know that?" I shake my head _no_ and she laughs very gently.

Her lips are soft as they graze mine and her hand raises up to push my hair behind my ear. I've never kissed anyone before, but it feels right, like Lux is nonverbally guiding me on what to do. Our lips don't smash together very passionately or forcefully like they do in the movies, but I like the softness between our mouths. Her lips aren't chapped like mine are, but she doesn't seem to mind as she uses her front teeth to lightly nip at my lower lip in a playful notion.

"I love you, Lux," I say. "Please, let's run away. I'm tired of being held back from life by Mother."

Lux shakes her head solemnly. "We can't do that, Ce," she says. "We could get in trouble."

I realize that I'm being unrealistic and I stay quiet, looking down at my hands. I fold and unfold my fingers together, piecing them together like a puzzle before pulling them apart once again. "Do you think I dream too much?" I ask, picking at the edges of the pristine white bandages covering my wrists.

"No," Lux replies gently. "No, you dream just enough."

I give Lux her cardigan back and kiss her cheek, closing my eyes sadly. "I'm tired," I yawn quietly. "Can we go to bed?"

Lux wordlessly leads me back through the window, pulling me to lie down with her on the bed. We're quiet so we don't risk waking up our other sisters, but as Lux pulls the blanket over us and wraps her arms around me, I feel like not even our other closely knit sisters matter. None of them can understand me like Lux does.

"One more thing before you fall asleep." Lux's voice is quiet and soft but still near demanding. "Do not ever try to kill yourself again, you understand?"

"Yes," I lie.

"I mean it. I would die for you, Cecilia. Don't put that statement to the test."

I don't respond, simply closing my eyes with my hand resting softly on Lux's breast. She kisses my neck until I fall asleep, where I only dream of kissing her more.

**Author's Note:**

> [tumblr](http://spookymileskane.tumblr.com) / [instagram](http://instagr.am/and.a.smile)


End file.
